Testimony

Here I share my testimony of my relationship with God, since I don’t have much of a testimony about how I came to Christ (I don’t remember when exclusively) but I do have one concerning my ever progressing walk with my Lord.

Well I grew up with both parents presenting a good marriage and household, we were middle class but had some “poor” seasons from time to time. All in all I had a great childhood. I was raised in a Christian household and attended a church every week of which I greatly enjoyed.

I was home schooled from 3rd grade to 7th grade and then finished school in public school. I hit a period of depression when I was 12 or 13, I enjoyed pitying myself and being in a dark mood, in a sense (however ironic) it brought me satisfaction being depressed. I was and have always been a people person but I also was a loner and enjoyed being by myself and thinking, this didn’t help the depression issue! I am still not 100% sure what the cause of the depression was, it could have been the lack of attention from girls, a lack of personal worth, or a dead relationship with God. Either way it was a dark personal time for me and eventually I grew out of it as I grew up and grew closer to God.

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

When I was about 13 I had some amazing experiences during worship time which fueled my interest in God. I pursued a relationship with God every way I knew how. I read the Bible for myself, I prayed regularly, I thought deep and hard about spiritual things, I eventually lead a morning worship/prayer time in the summer. But in time things began to spiritually dry up, I no longer “experienced God’s presence” in worship time. I felt less and less spiritual it’s as if my upward momentum of growth ran out. I realized that worshiping worship, I was living for the emotional high that would occasionally hit me in the midst of meditating on God and singing. I was addicted. So I made an effort to worship differently, I would often not stand up or sing out loud (these two things were common place in my church). But instead I would be contemplative of the words, saying them as a declaration or a prayer instead of singing them and listening to my own voice. Through this season I toned down my flesh and engaged the Spirit with my spirit. I repented of my fleshy ways and recognized that relationship was what I needed. I don’t think it’s a sin to worship out loud, jump and go crazy but it is if it’s all about you and how you feel. Sadly I was caught in this trap and needed to tone down my worship and since then God has been patient as I’ve gone through various phases of personal worship styles that allowed me to focus on Him alone.

God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.

As time went on I realized things that were being taught in churches were not always what the scriptures clearly presented, so I questioned all that I had learned from my childhood sunday school flannographs and read the Word for myself, relearning essential doctrines and about who Christ was. This crucial practice continues still unto this day!

During my teenage years I incurred the usual lust issues that most teen boys acquire and I struggled with them for years and years. Learning the power of the word “no” was crucial and that difference between my spirit that wanted God, and my flesh that wanted me. Now, thankfully I am married which fixd most of those issues.god set me free from addictions and destructive habits by His grace. During this time I learned that our flesh and desires really are effected the most by sin and are contrary to God’s desires.

Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Because my homeschooling was on a home computer I acquired some expert computer skills and spent most of my time on there having fun. I photoshopped images, made 3d animations and models, programmed simple application, made electronic music, and even designed websites. The problem was, I did this all illegally. Kazaa was my best friend and through it I had 10’s of thousands of dollars worth of illegal software all cracked with illegally obtained serial numbers and keys. Not to mention my 100’s of mp3’s that I had also illegally downloaded. One day in a small group we were watching a DVD by John Bevere about true worship. Basically he said worship is not a slow song, it’s not music at all. Worship is obeying God which includes obedience to governing authorities. Obeying authorities means obeying the laws which said unpaid for software licenses and unpurchased music is illegal. So in overdone e thgovernment and to Godrid deleted all of the stolen music and software and God blessed me with what I really needed, His favor was on it and I had a clear conscience.

Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God.

During my high school years I realized my love of knowledge, the blessings of it, and the curses of it. Ever since I was little I loved to learn and find things out. This however lead to a lack of faith in me because I wanted to figure everything spiritual out in my human brain. I wanted to be able to grasp every aspect of God before I would practice it, when all that was needed was a scriptural foundation, faith, and the discipline to act it out! I learned that fear of situations is a lack of faith, and the addiction to understand everything before you move is a huge limitation to ones life! I still love to study (as you can tell by my blog) but I am learning everyday the balance between the use of our God given logic and our faith that God requires. Not being able to know every answer or reason for life is ok! God doesn’t ask us to know, only to do and He will take care of the rest.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

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